I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
