oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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