i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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