I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
