just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Found the puke drawer
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
