At least make sure they are 18
Why
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
