i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
