He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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