Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just high enough for therapy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
