He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
