is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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