cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
