the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
