guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
