Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
