And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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