he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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