i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
