her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
