I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
