Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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