I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
