there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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