Jerry, you need to find god
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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