I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
