Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
