Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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