do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
