I feel great
I just peed on a car
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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