I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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