Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
