i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
