did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
