i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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