If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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