Sponge bath it is.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
