Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
