so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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