you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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