I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
