I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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