He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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