I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
