made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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