C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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