8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
