Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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