No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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