I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
