dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
