I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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