need another drink. this is the easiest way
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
