Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i've created a new STD.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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