There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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