Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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