just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
