Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
