That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
