Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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