im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
