there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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