he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize