Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
