in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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