i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
