the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
