i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
