first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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