My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
